— ATTACHMENT & RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS —
Attachment style therapy for the person who holds the relationship together
MyMindset NYC · Online therapy · Licensed in NY, FL & DC
Some trauma comes from a single event. This isn't that kind.
Complex trauma, or relational trauma, is what builds up when the harm happened inside a relationship you couldn't leave. A parent. A partner. A family. Sometimes a workplace. The person who was supposed to be safe was also where the problem came from.
It rarely arrives with a clear memory attached. It shows up as a way of being: watchful, capable, a little guarded, and tired in a way rest doesn't fix.
Online therapy for adults in New York, Florida, and Washington, D.C.No waitlist. Most people start within a week.
— WHAT IT IS —
What is attachment style therapy?
Attachment style therapy looks at how you learned to stay connected to people, and what that learning costs you now. Your attachment style is the strategy you worked out as a child for keeping the people you needed close enough. It made sense then. It runs on its own now.
It's the same work whether you're dating, deciding about someone, or trying to leave. The situation changes. The pattern underneath usually doesn't.
This is individual therapy. We look at your side of the pattern, which is the only side either of us can change.
I see adults one to one. I don't do couples work, and if that's what you're looking for I'll point you toward someone who does.
— THE FOUR PATTERNS —
The four attachment styles, without the quiz
Most people meet these as a quiz result. A label can be a relief, and it’s usually where the information stops. What matters is what the pattern asks of you, and what it protects you from.
Secure
Closeness doesn’t cost anything to maintain. You can ask for something and survive the answer either way. Most people have some of this, in some relationships.
Anxious
You stay close by staying useful. You track the other person’s mood like weather. A delayed reply can take a whole afternoon. The fear underneath is that if you stopped doing the work, nobody would stay.
Avoidant
You learned that needing was the thing that got you hurt, so you stopped. You’re the capable one. You handle it alone, and you may not notice you’re doing it until someone asks what you need and you have nothing to say.
Disorganized, sometimes called anxious-avoidant or fearful-avoidant
Both at once. You reach and then you retreat, and the retreat often comes right after things went well. This usually comes from a home where the person you went to for comfort was also the person you needed comfort from.
You will probably recognize yourself in more than one, and it can change depending on who you’re with. None of this is a diagnosis, and I won’t be assigning you a label. It’s a way of describing what you already do.
— WHERE PEOPLE ARE —
Three places people are when they start this work
Most people arrive in one of three positions. The pattern underneath them is usually the same one.
Dating, or not dating
You’ve been single a while. Some of that was choice and you’ve stopped being certain which part. Work has been the easier thing to feed, and it feeds back.
Someone asks what you’re looking for romantically and you have nothing. Not a short answer. Nothing. You’ve built a life that needs no one, and being seen wanting something feels more exposing than being alone.
In it, and not sure
You keep asking whether this is the person. Not because something is clearly wrong. Because the question won’t close.
You’ve looked it up late at night more than once. The doubt arrives on ordinary days, which is the part that worries you most.
Wanting out, and still here
Trust went, or interest did, or something happened and you stayed. You know exactly what you’d say to a friend in this.
You’ve been here longer than you meant to be. Leaving would disappoint someone, and disappointing people has never been something you could do cheaply.
And some people arrive already knowing. You can name the type you keep choosing — unavailable, or chaotic, or emotionally immature — and what you want is to stop.
- Doing most of the maintaining, in most of your relationships
- Rehearsing a conversation for days before you have it
- Knowing something is wrong and not being able to say what you need
- Agreeing to things you didn’t want, then resenting it quietly
- Pulling back right after it went well
- Handling everything alone, and calling that independence
- Going quiet instead of asking, because asking has gone badly before
- Feeling insecure with someone who hasn’t actually done anything
- Staying alert around someone who says there’s nothing to be alert about
- Wondering whether this is love or just something familiar
None of these require a diagnosis. They're patterns, which means they were learned, which means they can be worked with.
— WHEN SOMEONE USED IT —
When the self-doubt was somebody else's doing
Some people arrive with a version of this that didn't come from childhood alone. It came from a relationship where your read on reality kept getting corrected.
You'd remember a conversation one way. You'd be told it went another way. Do that for long enough and you stop trusting your own account of your own life. Gaslighting is the word most people have for it by the time they get here, and the doubt it leaves is often the last thing to lift.
A lot of people call this narcissistic abuse. I can't tell you whether that word fits the person, and I won't guess from a description. Only a clinician who assessed them could say anything diagnostic.
What the word is doing for you still matters. It usually means three things at once. This was a pattern. I didn't imagine it. It wasn't my fault. All three can be true without a diagnosis attached to anyone, and what I can work with is what it did to you. That work is the same either way.
If what you’re describing is a bond that got stronger the worse things got, that has a name. Trauma bonding isn’t a failure of judgment. It’s what happens when fear and relief keep coming from the same person.
— WHERE I WORK —
Online attachment therapy in Brooklyn, Manhattan, and across New York
I see clients online, anywhere in New York State. That includes Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens, the Bronx, Staten Island, Long Island, and everywhere upstate.
All sessions are online. There's no office to travel to, which for this work is often the point: you're doing it from the room you actually live in, not a neutral one.
I'm also licensed in Florida and Washington, D.C., so the work can continue if you move, and it holds while you're there for a stretch.
— HOW THE WORK GOES —
How I work with this
I'm somatic, attachment, trauma and IFS-informed. Here's what that means when the subject is how you attach.
We start with what your body does, not what you decided. Attachment runs faster than thought. You will have braced, scanned or gone quiet before any of it reaches words, so we pay attention there first.
We treat the strategy as protection rather than a flaw. The part of you that over-functions took that job early and for good reasons. Taking it away without knowing what it guards is how people end up back where they started.
We work out what safe actually feels like to you. This is the piece most people skip. If the love you knew first ran on alertness, then calm can register as boring, or as somebody not caring. You can't choose safe while it still feels like absence. So we find out what it feels like in your body, before you go looking for it in anyone else.
Vulnerability starts with you, not with them. Before you can tell someone what you want, you have to be willing to know it. For a lot of people that's the harder half. We work on being honest with yourself about what you want, need and desire, and the telling gets easier from there.
We look at the reach and the retreat. The push-pull has a shape and it's usually predictable once you can see it. We also work on saying the hard thing instead of going quiet, which is how avoiding conflict quietly becomes the thing that ends relationships.
We build discernment, which is different from a rule. Not "avoid this type." The ability to read what's actually in front of you and trust the read. We use the wheel of consent for this, which separates what you're giving from what you're receiving, and what you're allowing from what you actually want. Most people find the giving column crowded and the receiving column nearly empty.
This isn't a quick fix, and you don't need the whole history ready on day one.
— WHAT TENDS TO CHANGE —
What tends to change
Nobody can promise you an outcome, and I won't. These are the things people tend to notice.
You ask, and the asking costs less. The question still takes something. It stops taking a week of rehearsal first.
A silence stops meaning something is wrong. You can let a reply be late without building a case out of it.
You know what you want before someone asks. The blank fills in. That tends to happen before you're able to say it out loud, and saying it follows.
Calm stops reading as boring. This one surprises people. When the familiar version of love ran on alertness, steadiness can feel like nothing is happening. It starts feeling like safety instead.
You notice the pull toward the type, while it's happening. Noticing comes well before choosing differently, and it's the part that makes choosing possible.
You can be close to someone without keeping score of who is holding it together.
— IS THIS A FIT? —
Who this is and isn't for
This is probably a fit if
- You’re an adult in New York, Florida, or Washington, D.C. during your sessions
- You want to understand your side of a pattern rather than get scripts for someone else
- The same thing keeps happening across different relationships
- You can meet weekly or biweekly
- You’d rather not explain your family or your culture before the real work starts
And probably not if
- You want couples therapy. I see adults individually. If you and a partner want to be in the room together, that isn’t me, and I’ll point you toward someone who does that work
- You want me to assess or diagnose someone who isn’t my client
- You need a full session conducted in Kreyòl. My Kreyòl is intermediate, and I’ll help you find a fluent Kreyòl-speaking clinician
- You need in-network insurance, Medicaid or Medicare
- You need crisis or same-day support. This isn’t a crisis service. If that’s where you are, call or text 988, or look for a non-police warmline
No waitlist. Most people start within a week.
— WHAT TO EXPECT —
What sessions look like
| Format | Online, on a HIPAA-compliant platform |
|---|---|
| Length | 45–60 minutes |
| Frequency | Weekly or biweekly to start |
| Fee | $225, with a sliding scale from $140 |
| Where | Anywhere in New York, Florida, or Washington D.C. |
| Languages | English, with Haitian Kreyòl welcome in session |
| First step | A free 20-minute consultation |
— BEFORE YOU BOOK —
Questions about attachment therapy
What is my attachment style?
What’s more useful is noticing what you actually do: who does the reaching, what happens in a silence, and what it costs you to ask for something.
Can attachment style change?
I won’t put a timeline on that. Anyone who does is guessing.
Do you see couples?
If you and a partner want to be seen together, I’ll point you toward someone who does that work.
Can I work on this if I’m single?
A lot of people come in having been single for years, successful at work, and genuinely unsure what they want romantically. That’s a starting point, not a thing to sort out before you book.
I keep dating the same kind of person. Can therapy change that?
What we work on is why the familiar version still pulls, and what safe feels like in your body, so that calm stops reading as boring. Noticing the pull while it’s happening comes first. Choosing differently follows from there.
Will therapy tell me whether to leave my relationship?
What we can work on is why the decision won’t close. Often it isn’t short of information. What’s missing is permission to want what you want, or the ability to disappoint someone and survive it. People usually find the decision gets clearer as a by-product rather than as the project.
My partner is the problem. Can therapy help me deal with them?
What I can work with is what it’s doing to you: the second-guessing, the sense that your read on things can’t be trusted, and what it costs to keep managing it. That work is the same whoever they turn out to be.
Can I speak Kreyòl in session?
How much does therapy cost, and do you take insurance?
— WHENEVER YOU’RE READY —
You've been the reliable one a long time
The next step is a free 20-minute phone call. Twenty minutes, free, on the phone. You tell me what's going on. I tell you how I'd work with it. Nobody signs anything. If I'm not the right person, I'll say so, and I'll help you find who is.
No waitlist. If you reach out this week, we can usually start next week.