— COMPLEX & RELATIONAL TRAUMA —
Complex trauma therapy: when what hurt you happened inside a relationship
MyMindset NYC · Online therapy · Licensed in NY, FL & DC
Some trauma comes from a single event. This isn't that kind.
Complex trauma, or relational trauma, is what builds up when the harm happened inside a relationship you couldn't leave. A parent. A partner. A family. Sometimes a workplace. The person who was supposed to be safe was also where the problem came from.
It rarely arrives with a clear memory attached. It shows up as a way of being: watchful, capable, a little guarded, and tired in a way rest doesn't fix.
Online therapy for adults in New York, Florida, and Washington, D.C.No waitlist. Most people start within a week.
— WHAT IT IS —
What is complex or relational trauma?
Complex trauma, sometimes called relational trauma, is harm that happens inside a relationship, usually repeatedly and usually over a long time, rather than in one incident. When it started in childhood it's also called developmental trauma.
What separates it from a single-event trauma is that there was nowhere to go.
So you adapted instead. Reading the room. Anticipating. Over-functioning. Making yourself useful, or small, or both. Those weren't weaknesses. They were reasonable responses to a situation you couldn't change, and they worked well enough that you kept them.
The difficulty is that they don't switch off when the situation does.
— DIFFERENT DOORS —
Most people don't arrive calling it relational trauma
They arrive with one of these instead.
Burnout and over-functioning You’ve been the reliable one since childhood, and pushing through has stopped working. Burnout therapy →
Emotionally immature or unavailable parents Your feelings weren’t on the list, so you learned to manage your own state and read everyone else’s. Emotionally immature parents →
Betrayal or infidelity On either side of it, and what it did to your ability to trust anyone afterward. Attachment & relationship patterns →
Recovering from narcissistic abuse At home, in the family, in a friendship, or at work. The experience of having your own read on reality questioned until you stopped trusting it. Attachment & relationship patterns →
Trauma bonding The attachment that forms to someone who hurt you, where leaving feels harder than staying. It isn’t a failure of judgment. It’s what happens when fear and relief keep coming from the same person.
Racial and cultural stress The exhaustion of being the only one in the room, and of being disbelieved about your own experience. Racial & cultural stress →
Different entry points, the same underlying work. Whichever door you came through, we end up looking at what got handed down and what you want to keep.
If you need support I can’t provide
Therapy here is weekly or biweekly work, booked in advance. It isn’t crisis support, and it isn’t a safety plan. If you’re in a relationship that isn’t safe, or you need someone tonight, these are better places to start.
National Domestic Violence Hotline — call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. TTY 1-800-787-3224. Available 24 hours, anywhere in the US, with interpretation in many languages.
Safe Horizon, in New York City — call 1-800-621-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, or chat with an advocate at safehorizon.org/safechat.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988.
If you’d rather not involve police, look for a non-police warmline. The Inclusive Therapist has list inclusivetherapists.com/crisiswarmlines
If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
Sources for the hotline details, verified 15 October 2026: thehotline.org · The Hotline — Deaf Services · ACF — National Hotlines and Helplines · OVC toll-free hotline directory · Safe Horizon — Get Help · NRCDV
— WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE —
What relational trauma looks like in adult life
- You read rooms automatically, and you’re usually right
- You’d rather do it alone than ask and risk being let down again
- You can describe what happened and still not say what it felt like
- Trust takes a long time to build and one thing to undo
- You notice you’re managing people, and you can’t always stop
- Closeness and bracing tend to arrive together
- You’re competent, and quietly tired in a way rest doesn’t fix
The scanning has a name. Hypervigilance is what a nervous system does once it has learned that staying alert is the safest thing to be, and it doesn’t switch off when the situation changes. It isn’t paranoia and it isn’t a character trait. It’s a setting that got turned up for good reasons and never got turned back down.
Most of this was handed to you rather than chosen. That’s also what makes it something we can work with.
— HOW THE WORK GOES —
How I work with relational trauma
I'm somatic, attachment, trauma and IFS-informed. Here's what that means in a session.
We go slower than you're used to. If you grew up reading a room to know whether it was safe, moving fast is the thing you already know how to do. Slowing down is the unfamiliar part, and it's most of the work.
If you can't name what you feel yet, we don't have to start with words. This matters more here than almost anywhere. Relational trauma often leaves people able to describe events clearly and unable to say what any of it felt like. Your body kept the record either way. We can start there.
We treat the patterns as protection rather than problems. The part of you that scans, that performs, that says "I'm fine" before checking: those took their jobs early and for good reasons. The work is finding out what they're protecting.
You don't have to remember everything, or tell it in order. This isn't a service where you recount the worst thing in session one.
This isn't a quick fix, and you don't need the whole story ready on day one.
— IS THIS A FIT? —
Who this is and isn’t for
This is probably a fit if
- You’re an adult in New York, Florida, or Washington, D.C. during your sessions
- What happened to you happened over time, inside a relationship, rather than in one incident
- You want to understand why the pattern formed, not only how to manage it
- You can meet weekly or biweekly
- You’d rather not explain your family or your culture before the real work starts
And probably not if
- You want a short, focused piece of work rather than something that takes time
- You’re looking for couples sessions, or therapy for a teen or child. I see adults individually, and I’ll point you toward someone who does that work
- You need a full session conducted in Kreyòl. My Kreyòl is intermediate, and I’ll help you find a fluent Kreyòl-speaking clinician
- You need in-network insurance, Medicaid or Medicare
- You need crisis or same-day support. This isn’t a crisis service. If that’s where you are, call or text 988, or look for a non-police warmlines
No waitlist. Most people start within a week.
— WHAT TO EXPECT —
What sessions look like
| Format | Online, on a HIPAA-compliant platform |
|---|---|
| Length | 45–60 minutes |
| Frequency | Weekly or biweekly to start |
| Fee | $225, with a sliding scale from $140 |
| Where | Anywhere in New York, Florida, or Washington D.C. |
| Languages | English, with Haitian Kreyòl welcome in session |
| First step | A free 20-minute consultation |
— COMMON QUESTIONS —
Questions people ask
Is relational trauma the same as PTSD?
Is this the same as complex PTSD, or CPTSD?
I’m a licensed counselor, not a psychologist or psychiatrist. In New York I hold the diagnostic privilege, so I can diagnose when that’s useful to you, including for an out-of-network claim.
What I won’t do is use a diagnosis to decide whether your experience counts. You don’t have to meet criteria for this to be worth working on. What we work with is what’s actually happening in your life.
Do I need to remember everything to work on it?
Do I have to talk about the worst thing in the first session?
What if the person who hurt me is still in my life?
Can I speak Kreyòl in session?
How much does therapy cost, and do you take insurance?
— WHENEVER YOU’RE READY —
You’ve read this far
That usually means something here landed.
The next step is a free 20-minute phone call. You tell me what's going on, I tell you how I'd work with it, and we figure out together whether I'm the right person for it. Nobody signs anything.
No waitlist. Most people start within a week.