What to Say to Someone Who Is Suicidal, Without Calling the Police: A Guide for Haitian and Immigrant Families
If someone you love may be thinking about suicide, here is what to say: ask them directly, listen without arguing or rushing to reassure, stay with them in person or on the phone, ask if there is anything in the house they would feel safer without tonight, and check in again tomorrow. You do not have to call the police to do any of it. The rest of this post walks through each step, the warning signs to notice, and the lines you can call together.
On August 31, Pierre Damas Bel, a 20-year-old Haitian honors student in Ohio, died by suicide. Weeks earlier the Supreme Court had allowed this administration to end Temporary Protected Status for Haiti, and on July 29 ICE fitted him with a GPS ankle monitor. He wrote that he had come here for an education and did not deserve to be treated like a criminal. His father says he felt "treated like an animal." Pierre deserved to be here.
As a member and a therapist to my Haitian community, I have not stopped thinking about him. I’m also thinking about everyone reading this who has a cousin or a coworker who has gone quiet since the TPS news. This post is for you. It is about what to say, and where to turn for support that does not put your loved one in front of police or ICE.
Why this hits our community so hard
Suicide is never caused by one thing. But I do know what I see in my practice and hear in my everyday life. Humiliation and the loss of a future you were promised are dangerous on their own, and right now abusive immigration policy is handing both to Haitian families. Add the daily fearful question of who will be taken next, and the court dates nobody can plan around, and you get a whole community living in survival mode.
Many of us were raised to be strong and handle things privately. Pray about it. Do not put family business out there in the street. Keep working. Those values carried our parents across an ocean, and they can also keep someone from saying the one sentence that would get them help. Checking on each other is not weakness or gossip. It is how we keep each other here.
Signs that someone may be struggling
You do not need to be a clinician to notice. Trust what you see, especially when it is a change from how the person usually is.
Pulling away from people, work/school, church, or activities they used to show up for.
Talking about being a burden, being trapped, or not seeing a way out of their immigration situation.
Giving things away, saying goodbyes that feel heavier than usual, or suddenly seeming calm after a long stretch of distress.
Sleeping much more or much less, drinking alcohol, smoking or using more, or losing interest in food.
Shame about a monitor, a court date, returning back to Haiti, or losing status. Shame is quiet. It rarely announces itself.
In our community the signs often come through the body before they come through words. Headaches that will not quit, fatigue, stomach pain, body aches, dizziness, a tight chest. Many Haitians express emotional suffering physically rather than psychologically, and the body may be the whole complaint. Take it seriously, and ask what is underneath it.
Listen for the phrases, too. Someone who says they have kè sere (a tight heart) may be telling you about sadness, grief, worry, or hopelessness. Tansyon can mean stress and pressure as much as blood pressure. Reflechi twòp, thinking too much, is often how rumination and sleepless worry get named. Tèt chaje is a head weighed down. None of these is a diagnosis. Each one is the person vulnerably letting you in a little. Answer with a question, not a label.
What to say
Ask directly. "Are you thinking about suicide?" That question does not plant the idea. A 2014 systematic review in Psychological Medicine looked at the studies on exactly this and found that asking does not increase suicidal thoughts, and may reduce them. (Dazzi et al., 2014, Psychological Medicine; link below.) It tells the person you can handle the answer, and it gives them permission to tell the truth. If that word feels impossible in your mouth, start softer and get there: "I have noticed you have been quieter. How are you really doing?" Then be quiet and let them fill the silence.
A few things that help: listening more than you talk, saying "I am glad you told me," and asking "what would make tonight easier?" A few things that do not: promising it will all work out, arguing about whether their situation is really that bad, or bringing God into it before they have finished their sentence. There is a time for prayer. It comes after listening.
In Haitian Kreyòl: "Mwen la avèk ou. Ou pa pou kont ou." I am here with you. You are not alone.
What it can sound like in Kreyòl
If your person is more comfortable speaking in Kreyòl, ask in Kreyòl. Direct translation is not the goal. Understanding what they mean is. These are the questions I use, adapted from my Kreyòl for Clinicians training with Rebati Sante Mentale, and you do not need to be a clinician to say them.
When you hear one of the phrases above, ask what it means for them:
Lè ou di ou gen kè sere, esplike m sa sa vle di pou ou. When you say your heart is tight, tell me what that means for you.
Lè ou di ou gen tansyon, kisa ou santi nan kò ou? When you say you have tansyon, what do you feel in your body?
Ki kalite panse k ap pase nan tèt ou? What kind of thoughts are going through your head?
Kijan ou dòmi? How is your sleep?
To ask about suicide, start with the sentence that gives permission, then ask plainly:
Pafwa lè moun ap pase nan anpil pwoblèm, yo ka santi lavi a twòp pou yo. Èske sa konn rive ou? Sometimes when people are going through a lot, they can feel that life is too much. Does that happen to you?
Èske ou konn panse ou pa vle viv ankò? Have you thought about not wanting to live anymore?
Èske ou te panse touye tèt ou? Have you thought about killing yourself?
Èske ou gen panse sa yo kounye a? Are you having these thoughts now?
And the words that tell them it is safe to keep going, now that they have let you in:
Mwen la pou koute ou. I am here to listen to you.
Ou pa oblije rakonte m tout bagay jodi a. You do not have to tell me everything today.
Nou ka pran tan nou. We can take our time.
Mèsi paske ou pataje sa avèk mwen. Thank you for sharing this with me.
A few things to keep in mind, because they change how the conversation goes. Trust comes before sharing, so speak warmly and do not rush the person, the conversation, or your own discomfort. Silence is not always resistance; sometimes it is the person deciding whether you can hold it. Prayer, family, community, and therapy are all part of how we heal, not obstacles to it, and the time for prayer is after listening, not instead of it. One phrase is never a diagnosis. The goal is to understand the person, not to translate the words.
What to do next
Stay with them, in person if you can, on the phone if you cannot. Help them get to a support line while you are together, rather than handing them a number and hoping. Ask if there is anything in the house they would feel safer without tonight, and offer to hold it for them. Then check in again tomorrow. And the day after. Consistency is the medicine.
If you are worried they are in immediate physical danger and you cannot stay, you have choices. A warmline can help you think it through in real time. Some families choose to go to an emergency room together rather than calling 911. Know that an emergency room can still lead to a hold the person did not agree to, so if you go, go together and stay as long as they will let you. Whatever you decide, decide it with the person when you can. Asking for help does not have to mean police, a hospital hold, or anyone who might contact ICE.
Support that keeps police and ICE out of it
Not every crisis line works the same way. Some, including 988, reserve the right to contact emergency services if they believe someone is at imminent risk. Others are run by peers and have committed to not involving police without your consent. Knowing the difference before a bad night is part of taking care of each other. Policies can change, so the directory at InclusiveTherapists.com/crisis is the place to check each line's policy in its own words.
Call BlackLine: 1-800-604-5841. Peer support with a Black, queer, femme lens. Does not involve police. Also takes reports of mistreatment by police or ICE.
Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line: 1-888-407-4515. Answered by trained peers who have been through their own mental health struggles.
Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860. By and for trans people, in English and Spanish. Divested from police since day one.
LGBT National Help Center: 1-888-843-4564. Confidential peer support, all ages.
StrongHearts Native Helpline: 1-844-762-8483, call or text, or chat at strongheartshelpline.org. Open 24/7. Domestic, dating, and sexual violence support by and for Native people; advocates do not connect callers to 911.
Sex Worker Community Support Line: 1-877-776-2004. Open 24 hours, answered by current and former sex workers and advocates. Confidential, judgment-free support for sex workers and people affected by incarceration.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free, 24/7. In NYC this connects you to NYC 988, with interpreters in more than 200 languages. You do not have to give your name or location, and you can ask about their privacy policy before you share.
New Americans Hotline (NY State): 1-800-566-7636. Anonymous. Immigration and TPS questions, free legal referrals, including for people who are detained. 200+ languages.
Americans for Immigrant Justice: aijustice.org, for legal questions about TPS and the current litigation.
SaveSouls Community Wellness Gathering: a monthly peer space for the Afro-Caribbean community, with a therapist, for anyone dealing with TPS termination or immigration stress. Find them at @savesoulsinc on Instagram.
If you are in Haiti, or someone you love has returned: Asistans Psikolojik an Ijans, +509 2919 9000, is an emergency psychological support line staffed by counselors for anxiety, depression, trauma, and suicide. Kay Fanm's emergency line, *322 or SMS +509 3433 7832, offers free, confidential support for women and girls facing gender-based violence. Both are listed and verified at findahelpline.com/countries/ht.
A safety plan in Haitian Kreyòl: the Unaccompanied Children Resource Center (run by the U.S. Committee for Refugees and Immigrants) publishes a free, fillable two-page Plan Sekirite at ucresourcecenter.org. It was written for young people and the adults caring for them, and its emergency list is 911 and 988 only, so pair it with the warmlines above. https://ucresourcecenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Safety-Plan-Suicide-Prevention-Haitian-Creole.pdf
BEAM's Psychiatric Green Book: beam.community/green-book. A guide for Black families on navigating psychiatric holds, your rights, and advocating for a loved one. The crisis checklists are a free download.
I have put all of this into a free guide called "Who to Call When It's Too Much" on my worksheets page https://mymindsetnyc.com/therapy-worksheet/p/warmline-crisis-support-guide. It has the warmlines, a five-minute checklist to do on a calm day, and a plan-for-a-hard-night worksheet you can fill in and share with someone you trust. Save it to your phone. Send it to the group chat.
Questions people ask me
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Thank them for telling you, and stay. You do not have to fix anything in that moment. Ask what would make today or tonight easier, help them reach one of the lines above while you are together, and make a plan for tomorrow before you leave.
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Let them. Anger is easier to show than fear, and you did not cause it by asking. Say something like "I asked because I care about you, and I am not going anywhere," and then come back in a day or two. The question tends to land later, when they are alone with it.
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Keep it short and direct, then move to a call. Something like: "I noticed you have been quiet and I am worried. Are you thinking about suicide? I am not going anywhere. Can I call you right now?" If they say no to the call, stay in the thread, keep your messages simple, and do not leave them on read. A text conversation can hold someone until a voice can.
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Believe them, and stay curious. A headache that will not lift or a chest that stays tight can be the truest thing they are able to say about how they feel. Ask where in the body they feel it, how they are sleeping, and whether there is a lot on their mind. The emotional conversation often follows once the physical one has been taken seriously.
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No. In most situations you have other options: staying with the person, calling a warmline together, or going to a hospital together if it comes to that. If someone is in immediate physical danger and cannot be kept safe, use your judgment, and know that a warmline can help you think it through in real time.
If you are the one who is struggling
You are not a burden, and you are not weak for feeling the weight of what is being done to our community. Tell one person. Call one of the lines above. Pierre deserved to be here. So do you.
When the night has passed
Crisis lines are for the worst hours. If what you are carrying has been there for months, that is what therapy is for. I have openings for virtual sessions Monday through Thursday, and the first 20-minute phone call is free mymindsetnyc.com/mymindset-counseling-contact-us. If I am not the right fit, I will say so and help you find someone who is.
About Me
Jessica Thomas is a Haitian-American licensed mental health therapist based in New York and also licensed in Florida and Washington, DC. She works with first-generation, BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ adults who built their lives by being the reliable one and are ready to step out of survival mode: burnout, anxiety, racial and cultural stress, trauma, and the family patterns that come with growing up between worlds. Sessions are virtual, and therapy goes slower than you are used to, with somatic and parts work instead of quick fixes. She completed Kreyòl for Clinicians: Beyond Translation (Rebati Sante Mentale University, 2026). Learn more and book a free 20-minute consultation with her here.
Sources for the facts about Pierre: OSV News (Sept 3, 2026), CNN (Sept 2, 2026), NBC News (Sept 1, 2026), Americans for Immigrant Justice (Sept 4, 2026). Research citation: Dazzi T, Gribble R, Wessely S, Fear NT. Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? What is the evidence? Psychological Medicine, 2014;44(16):3361-3363. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24998511/. Sex Worker Community Support Line hours: findhelp.org listing claimed by SWOP, reviewed Sept 4, 2026. Warmline list: InclusiveTherapists.com/crisis, updated Fall 2026. Kreyòl phrases and cultural notes adapted from Kreyòl for Clinicians: Beyond Translation, Rebati Sante Mentale University, facilitated by Dr. Guerda Nicolas, Clinical Psychologist (training completed September 2026). This post is educational and is not a substitute for therapy or crisis care.
